DO WE REALLY NEED GOD?

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.  They picked 
one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.  The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided 
that we no longer need you.  We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just 
go on and get lost."

God listened patiently and kindly to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well!  How about this?  
Let's have a man making contest."

To which the man replied, "OK, great!"

But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no.  You go get your own dirt!"



DO YOU REALLY KNOW JESUS?

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was Puerto Rican:
1. His first name was Jesus
2. He was bilingual
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was black:
1. He called everybody "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into his father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He worked in the building trades

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot
3. He started a new religion

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

And now the MOST Compelling "EVIDENCE":

Three characteristics that suggest Jesus was a woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to be done.



HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS YET?

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday 
afternoon down by the river. 
 
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to 
the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk 
and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
 
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am."
 
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls 
him right back up.  "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher 
asked.
 
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
 
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, 
brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found 
Jesus?"
 
"Noooo, I did not Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 
seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a 
harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
 
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are 
you sure this is where he fell in?"



JESUS SAVES!

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.  They had been going at it for days, 
and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it.  I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away.  They did spreadsheets.  They wrote reports.  They sent faxes.  
They sent e-mail.  They downloaded.  They did some genealogy reports.  They made cards.  They did every known job.  About ten 
minutes before their time was up, lightning flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the 
electricity went off.  Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.  Jesus just 
sighed.

The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them rebooted their computers.  Satan started searching frantically, 
screaming "It's gone!  It's all gone!  I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.  Satan observed this and became very
irate.  "Wait!  He must have cheated.  How did he do that?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."