DON'T ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO CAN READ!

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn;  the wife preferred 
to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to 
take the boat out. 

She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the  boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the
sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" 

"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?" 

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. 

"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" 

"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up." 

"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman. 

"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff. 

"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..." 

Moral:  never argue with a woman who knows how to read 



ON A ROPE

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.  Ten were men and one was a woman.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to 
save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

All of the men started clapping.



TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9.  The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8.  Crying can be fun.
7.  FAT CLOTHES.
6.  A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5.  Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4.  The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3.  A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2.  Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

And the #1 thing only women understand:

1.  OTHER WOMEN!


BUMPER STICKERS FOR WOMEN

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in Heaven, I ain't going.
4. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
5. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
6. Coffee, chocolate, men...some things are just better rich.
7. Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.
8. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
9. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
10. I'm out of estrogen, and I have a gun.
11. Guys have feelings too, but like...who cares?
12. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
13. And your point is?
14. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
15. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
16. Do not start with me.  You will not win.
17. You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
18. All stressed out and no one to choke.
19. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
20. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
21. Sorry if I looked interested.  I'm not.
22. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
23. Don't upset me!  I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.